God to give up on humanity

In a shock announcement on His twitter feed, the Almighty has announced that humanity is simply "...not worth the effort any more". The comments came after years of increasing holy frustration with the seemingly endless self-destructive stupidity of the human race.

(Source) After seeing this old picture (from 2005) on His facebook newsfeed, God decided that humanity was a lost cause

God cited several reasons for deciding not to bother with humanity any more. He is quoted as saying "No matter how many times I try to tell people to just be nice to eachother, the same fucking morons rise to power. And I mean, boy, are they fucking stupid. Look at the Republican Party. Or Michael Gove. Or Ayatollah Khomeini. As if Richard Dawkins needed any more proof that I don't exist."

The Almighty was said to be more full of despair than anger, and political commentators have speculated that this may be why divine retribution in the form of St. Jude's Storm, which was predicted to utterly destroy England, has instead just been a slightly damp, windy day.

(Source) UK citizens did not realise that there was a storm, citing the fact that "The cricket is always cancelled due to rain anyway"

Shortly after the failed armageddon attempt, God tweeted again that He was definitely not going to try to restart humanity again, stating that "When you lot inevitably destroy yourselves, I think next time I'll go with dinosaurs again. But this time with lasers in their eyes. That shit sounds fucking awesome".