Godfrey Bloom - "I'm not sexist, but..."

The UKIP conference has become embroiled in controversy, as Godfrey Bloom managed to insult 50% of the world population and then lose his job.

Bloom is best known for probably being a sleeper agent smuggled into UKIP to destroy them from within. He had already made headlines by demanding that British aid money stop being sent to "Bongo Bongo Land". The ambassador for Bongo Bongo Land replied via email, saying "Hello Friend, I am a general with $30,000 to place into your account".

This time, Bloom targeted women, saying to a room full of them "You're all sluts". He then defended himself by adding "It was a joke, they all laughed, even the women. And most of them are either too stupid or too pregnant to understand politics anyway." He added that journalists "...need to get a grip. Seriously, here, grip the shaft of my penis".

(Source) Godfrey Bloom defines a 'slut' as a woman who 'does not clean behind the fridge, or leaves the kitchen without permission'

Michael Crick, of Channel 4 News fame, was so enraged by Bloom's casual disregard for political correctness that he headbutted Bloom's brochure. Feminists have thanked Crick for his selfless contribution to the cause.

Farage was said to have been outraged by the comments, and immediately suspended Bloom. Sources close to the UKIP leader said that he was incensed that Bloom's batshit insane remarks had taken attention away from his own fantastic racism.

Farage has claimed that the UK is in the midst of a "Romanian crime wave", with 6 out of 5 crimes committed by Eastern European immigrants. He went on to say "They come over here, and take the work from honest British criminals, forcing them to turn to a life of law-abiding salaried jobs".

(Source) This young lady cleans behind the fridge. Unfortunately for Godfrey, she's Polish.

When asked about Bloom's comments during an interview, Baroness O'Neill, chair of the Equality and Human Rights Commission said "I'd rather talk about Nigel Farage's tie. It's really shit. If I'm honest, it's actually a bit worse than sexism".

Meanwhile Ed Milliband had absolutely nothing to say, because both of his speech writers were away on holiday. Faced with the terrifying prospect of independent thought, he lost control and Ed Balls had to take him home to change his nappy.

On a positive note, not everyone was upset by Bloom's remarks. Popular purveyor of filth and generally talentless waste of life Miley Cyrus tweeted "Fuck yeah! Finally, my vagina is getting some recognition! Totally worth the carpet burns from Robin Thicke's trousers"