US Senate to vote on 'Twerking Ban'

The US Senate is preparing to vote on a controversial ban of 'twerking'. Twerking is defined as "to dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance".

Twerking became an international issue after the Miley Cyrus invented it at the 2013 MTV VMAs. Grey-suited shit-monger Robin Thicke performed his unbearably boring song Blurred Lines with the assistance of America's most beloved barely legal, jail-bait, batshit insane mental case, Miley Cyrus. Unfortnately a prank involving magnets placed in Miley Cyrus' underpants backfired when they became strongly attracted to Thicke's mechanical genitals, causing Miley to uncontrollably rub her buttocks on a bemused Thicke.

(Source) Miley Cyrus, with her trademark 'Testicle Supports' hairstyle

Miley's PR agent later explained that "We didn't realise that Robin's robo-cock was ferromagnetic, and would like to apologise to all the enraged, uptight assholes who didn't even see the event but have decided to spread their ignorance around like a chimpanzee smearing faeces on the walls".

The video was soon widely available on the internet, and has polarised America. Proponents of the twerking ban have stated that twerking is immoral, and a cheap way for disturbingly mediocre singers to gain rapid publicity. Billy Ray Austin Cletus Stetson, from Texas, posted an angry rant on youtube, saying "Twerking is agin the Bible and Jaysus", while furiously masturbating to a nude picture of his sister.

Famous mother Sarah Palin weighed in on the issue, saying "As a mom[sic] who has 5 well balanced children with perfectly reasonable names, I am disgusted by the behaviour of Hannah Montana. I'd rather my daughter was Chinese than a twerker".

Opponents of the bill  have argued that a ban is not the answer. Famous feminist and supporter of breast suffrage, Nicki Minaj, said "Sister Miley is fighting against a patriarchal system from a position of complete disadvantage. She liberated her ass on stage, and I support her. That's why I don't wear clothes."

(Source) Britney Spears has stated that she actually travelled back in time to flash her crotch to the world in order to announce the twerkage of Miley Cyrus. She is now demanding that she be considered the John the Baptist of our time

Lady Gaga announced that she was planning a twerking tour of the largest, most phallic objects in the world, including The Gerkhin, the Empire State Building and the Eiffel Tower. She tweeted "It's gonna be awesome, I'm gonna end by shoving the fucking moon up my vagina."