The 'Syria crisis' has been ongoing for almost 2 years, for most of which the rest of the world managed to ignore it. All of that changed when President Obama was told by one of his aides that apparently Mr Assad had called him a pussy. Angered by this attack on his masculinity, as well as the ongoing insanity of the Tea Party, Mr Obama decided to take action.
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| "Hey Assad, yo momma so ugly she makes onions cry" |
The world was waiting with baited breath for Congress to cast a vote on military intervention, when something amazing happened. Senator Kerry inadvertantly avoided war and accidentally started a diplomatic 'solution'. The rest of the world has reacted with the usual unsuprising variety of self-important responses.
Monsier Hollande had previously acted in accordance with French International Policy Protocol by adopting a position of 'Loud, meaningless posturing'. Fortunately for him, there's no war at present, so he wont have to recall the French Army tank back from Mali.
In the UK, David Cameron told Mr Obama "If I could, Then I would, I'll go wherever you will go (including to war without prior consideration of alternative options)". Alas the House of Commons interrupted his emotional ballad with a resounding "NO" and cries of "Get a room". Mr Obama has said that he is "...not really bothered" and that "Cameron isn't even my bottom bitch".
Mr Putin naturally leapt at the chance to avoid strikes against his high-school drinking buddy Mr Assad. Because, 'bros before hos'. 'Hos' of course being political gangsta speak for 'chemically murdered people'. Reports say that Assad is unhappy about being forced to destroy his chemical toys, but Mr Putin has softened the blow by assuring him that Russia will export 10 tonnes of Earl Litvinenko tea.
Monsier Hollande had previously acted in accordance with French International Policy Protocol by adopting a position of 'Loud, meaningless posturing'. Fortunately for him, there's no war at present, so he wont have to recall the French Army tank back from Mali.
In the UK, David Cameron told Mr Obama "If I could, Then I would, I'll go wherever you will go (including to war without prior consideration of alternative options)". Alas the House of Commons interrupted his emotional ballad with a resounding "NO" and cries of "Get a room". Mr Obama has said that he is "...not really bothered" and that "Cameron isn't even my bottom bitch".
Mr Putin naturally leapt at the chance to avoid strikes against his high-school drinking buddy Mr Assad. Because, 'bros before hos'. 'Hos' of course being political gangsta speak for 'chemically murdered people'. Reports say that Assad is unhappy about being forced to destroy his chemical toys, but Mr Putin has softened the blow by assuring him that Russia will export 10 tonnes of Earl Litvinenko tea.
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| With a zesty Polonium-210 aftertaste |
Under Mr Xi Jinping, China continue in their role as IRL UN Trolls, by spamming the UN forum with "VETO FUCKING EVERYTHING LOLOL!!1!11" It being the UN, the forum moderators were unable to do anything, the forum having fewer rules than 4chan's /b/.
King of the UN, Mr Ban Ki Moon, insisted that the UN is totally not as useless as the League of Nations, and forcefully made his point by doing nothing.
Meanwhile, Mr Assad is regretting choosing ophthalmology as his medical specialty, and is currently being incessantly bleeped by A+E doctors asking for "Advice regarding my patient, 15 year old male who presented with a rocket in the eye".
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